It can be difficult to keep a relationship new and satisfying after years of being together. In the beginning, we are often more forgiving. We tend to spend more time together because we make the relationship a priority. As the relationships grows, we get comfortable. The quirks that were once really cute are now terribly annoying. Other things in our busy lives tend to move upward on the priority scale, and we spend less and less time together. People sometimes feel that because they live together, they see eachother frequently; and that means they spend time together. However, that time spent in passing isn't always the most positive and fulfilling. The connection can start to fade more and more with less and less quality time together, and that person you once found amazingly attractive is now the farthest thing from it. What happened? How the heck did we get there? Let's review some of the common mistakes we make when we get comfortable.
Neglecting Date Night
We often think that because we already made a commitment and we see eachother so frequently, that date night isn't as important. But believe me - it is. Setting aside some time to spend with your significant other where you both have one another's undivided attention is key. It increases communication, it increases the emotional connection, and it reminds us why we love the person we're married to.
Assuming They Know You Love Them
Shouldn't they know this since I married them?? No. They shouldn't. People change. It is easy for minds to wander and start to think "hmm... I wonder if they still care" when you stop showing how you cared like you did in the beginning of the relationship. Remember how you showed it? Was it sudden hugs? A kiss on the cheek? A post it note with xoxo written on it in a surprise place? Did you say "I love you"? Did you spend more time together? What was it that you did for this person you care about to show them that you do care? If you are no longer doing it, try starting again. See what happens.
Forgetting To Say Thank You
This is huge! When anyone else goes out of their way to do something kind, you acknowledge it. Heck - you even say thank you when that nice lady at Starbucks gives you your coffee. So why is it that we often forget to show our signficant others that we appreciate them? Next time they make you dinner, or help you out with laundry, make sure you tell them "thank you". It goes a long way.
Arguing When You're Beyond Angry
Ever hear that saying "never go to bed angry"? I'm going to give you permission to do this if the circumstance is that you are beyond angry. What does that mean? It means when you are at the point where you can't see clearly. When you are listening to respond instead of listening to understand. Make sure that you give yourself a break from arguing to calm down. It's okay to disagree, but when the conversation is no longer productive, it's time to take a break. You guys are on the same team - this isn't a war.
Forgetting To Say I'm Sorry
We all make mistakes. We're human. It's okay to mess up. It's not okay to hide it. Acknowledge your mistake. Apologize. There are very few mistakes that are permanent. Chances are, they will appreciate your apology and honesty. This will increase your trust.
Keep these in mind, and hopefully they will help you in your current relationship. Sometimes things are in such a difficult place, you may need a little more support. It's okay to ask for help. Therapy just may be the next step.